Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so that wasnt chicken after all
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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