Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize