i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
