his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
