she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
