It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My pussy is not your playground.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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