He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
