No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
