the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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