I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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