Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize