Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
