Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
wow bdsm is so cute
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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