hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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