What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize