we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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