You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
