you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
