Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I deserve this hangover.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
