my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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