she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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