They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
