I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
