You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
