opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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