it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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