we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
