you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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