i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
