so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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