you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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