I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
