remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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