i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
