DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
