it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
