We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
