You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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