he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
