This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize