So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have to summon your inner elephant
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
