This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
