I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
