the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
one might say we're banned from that church
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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