I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
