Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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