i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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