Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
