Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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