Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You can't special order awesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
