An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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