well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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