soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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