I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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