Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
