Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize