My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
