I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
