Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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