I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
