Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
