and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
