last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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