some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
