I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
